Using A Surrogate Doesn’t Make Me Less Of A Mother

1 Posted by - July 7, 2013 - Miscarriage, Surrogate

A Beautiful Body Project

Tiffany’s Story:  I tried thirteen times to become pregnant, only three was I blessed enough to say I am pregnant. Those three times I became pregnant I miscarried.  Does it really matter how I became a mommie? Sure I underwent fertility treatments, taking the pills, giving myself shots, inserting hormones up my vagina, the ultra sounds, the injections and waiting. Yes, the waiting, waiting and waiting to see if this was the time I would become a mom…

“He is beautiful”.  When I first laid eyes on his dark hair I could barely hear the doctor’s voice.  ”Cut the cord.” Nothing else existed to me in this world except this gorgeous being. “But I don’t want to hurt him” I exclaimed. The doctor said, “Cut right here and he won’t feel a thing.” I cut the umbilical cord that connected him to his birth mom. This moment imprinted a feeling of everlasting love in my soul. They whisked him away to clean him, to weigh him and all the other things they need to do after the birth in the delivery room.

I am your mommie, I whispered to my son as he was put down on the cold hard scale. I couldn’t quit staring at him. My heart radiated with happiness. This was and still is the happiest day of my life. The bonding time had begun.

I have been my son’s stay at home mom since his birth. The changing diapers, cleaning up vomit, feeding, potty training , teaching him how to become independent with self-help skills, driving him to school, to doctor appointments, working on reading and math skills, taking him to swim and gym classes, taking him on play-dates, taking him on vacations, teaching him manners by writing thank you notes for his presents and being polite to others., etc. That to me is not where real mothering comes in. To me real mothering has to do with unconditional love a mom has for her child.  (Story continues below photo)

Yes, I am a “real mom.” No I didn’t give birth. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to give birth, believe me I did.

Yes, I had to grieve the loss of not being able to carry a baby to term. I worked through this pain in therapy, as unresolved feelings had no room in the relationship with my son.

I took part in the whole process of my son coming into the earth. I helped choose the sperm donor. I attended countless doctor appointments before the conception. I was there the day my son was conceived. I remember praying during the conception and thinking if it was not I to be the one to carry such an amazing soul into this earth, then to please have him come to me through his birth mom.

I virtually have no parental rights in Arizona. I am a strong advocate of second parent adoption. In the state of AZ there is not a second parent adoption option. Every six months since my son’s birth, his birth mom has to sign a form and get it notarized giving me permission to make decisions for my son such as medical, educational and such.

The other important part of being a mother is having an open mind and heart. To be able to listen to educators, doctors and specialists even when you want to think your son is without a ‘label.’ You see my son has been diagnosed with Spectrum Processing Disorder this year. He has special needs and the best part about this is he tells me, “Mommie every kid is special.” I think deep down he really knows just how special he is to me. To see my son’s soulful eyes as he says, “I love you mommie” puts it all in perspective.  -Tiffany

Tiffany is a brave and beautiful woman.  Just as we all are.  She volunteered for this book because she is a an authentic voice for motherhood, and also because she is fully recovered from anorexia.  When I sent her a few of these images, she wrote right back, “I am speechless.  How did you bring that woman out in me?”

That’s the best part:  I didn’t do a thing.  I only reflected back to her what I saw:  Irreplaceable Beauty. -Jade

How did Tiffany’s story make you feel? Please share any responses or reflections in the reply section at the bottom of the page.

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