Still-Births: To The Mothers Of Free Spirits

1 Posted by - June 9, 2015 - Birth

Hi sisters, moms and beautiful women.
 
I really wanted to participate in this amazing initiative and help my sisters remember how beautiful we are and how much we can help each other in the bad times.
 
I am María, from Madrid, Spain. I am 35 years old and I lost my first baby girl last October 2014, it was a stillbirth, when she was 22 weeks old. Her name was Abril, and her heart was already broken.
 
As a woman I have suffered from first world female issues like anorexia when I was 20 or sexual discrimination at work for being perceived as bossy instead of ambitious. But that was nothing compare to the loss of my daughter. This have changed the way I see the world and myself, and I want to share my experience with you. Hope it helps!
 
If you know a woman that has lost a baby, no matter when, please don’t say things like “You will have more children, you are young”, “It is better this way” or “She or he decided not to live”. There is no much you can do, no magical healing words. There is no rush to end the pain faster, it won’t work and you can make the healing process worse and longer. Please, if you want to help, just hold her hands in silence, hug her and let her speak about her dead child and pain.
A Beautiful Body Project | Still Births
 
And if you have lost a child, I want you to know that every single feeling you can experiment is just fine. The pain, the anger, the bitter, the madness, the loneliness… There is a process for this. If you feel overwhelmed by emptiness and you don’t want to go out or speak to anyone because you need to cry your eyes off, please, do it. This is not the time to pretend in front of others that nothing is happening, not now, no matter what they say. If you need to get away from people that is not helping, do it, no matter if they are family or close friends. 
 
You will laugh again without feeling guilty, you will have new projects, but this will come to you with time. You are not alone, we are all just here, the mommies of the free spirits, go find us, we are listening.
 
I feel very lucky because I have known the unconditional love, I had a labor, so I know I am strong enough to do it again. I felt her growing and moving inside me, I gave her only love and for me all this was just a gift. I will never regret my pregnancy. She will always be in my heart, my mind and my thoughts, even when the rest of the world will forget about her. She was very real to me, and when I saw her I met the most beautiful little and perfect being of the Universe. So yes, after all this, I am lucky, very lucky!
 
Thank you for this beautiful project Jade and your team. We are all beautiful, and you are helping us to remember that. Wish you all the luck.
 
Bye bye!!” -Maria Quesada 
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